my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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