that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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