Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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