Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
