from now on my penis is your penis
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
