It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
