are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Randomize
