This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
