Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
