And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
