Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
