As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
