I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
