and my herpes radar will keep us safe
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
