He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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