What did we do last night that was yellow?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
