I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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