Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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