you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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