grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
