Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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