i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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