so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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