I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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