yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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