The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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