I only kidnapped one of them. chill
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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