that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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