And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
