if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Panties = found
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
