I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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