Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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