I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
