woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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