She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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