I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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