youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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