Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
