I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
