All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
