The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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