It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
