He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
