Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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