he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
