I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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