he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
