Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
