Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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