The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
