the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
