I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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